Raison d'être
by Hgirl
Summary: HC. He watched speechless. She let her head fall forward and the tear made its way down her face. She quickly inadvertently wiped it away. With infinite care, Horatio moved in closer...Lyrics borrowed from Natalie Imbruglia and Seal. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Characters aren't mine.

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Chapter 1

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She didn't want anyone to notice how Horatio made her light up. She glowed when he was in near proximity and this gave her away too much to her liking. She did watch him often, taking short glances, without him having the slightest idea he was being watched. She stayed silent, by his side. He was so darn attractive, always in control of his movements. So self- assured, lean and intense. In difficult situations, you could always count on him to make things right, to protect and shield his sunny city from evil. That is his job. He knows what the laws are for. But holding society together doesn't always prevent evil from seeping through. The kidnappers, the rapists, the murderers, the serial killers, the child molesters. They could run or hide but Horatio Caine made it his duty to seek them out, to catch them and make sure justice is served.

Horatio stood in the hall, watching Calleigh. He watched her often, from far, mesmerized. She was a beautiful woman and today, she looked like an angel in her white striped blouse. She had opted for black pants and he was surprised to realize she frequently wore black. He smiled silently to himself. She had left her hair loose, which always caught his attention. Something about the way it flowed and shined down her back as she walked off, leaving him helplessly drawn to its sleekness. Unmistakably, however, Horatio took notice that she wasn't her usual self. Did he know she was so in love it was hurting her?

He entered the lab, much in the same way he always did, slowly and casually, impelled to look in on her. His smooth gait permitted him to sneak up. Unaware of his presence, Calleigh kept working. Another day, another case. No time to lose.

His deep suave voice broke the silence, "Calleigh - "

She hadn't showed any surprise what so ever. She was the hardest one to surprise. Somehow she always knew when he was near. She replied in a gentle voice acknowledging his presence: "Horatio - " He knew she was smiling as she said his name. She raised an eyebrow as she glanced at him, anticipating a shy smile on his part but his look wasn't the amused boyish one she normally got from him after failing an unexpected and surprising visit. This time, he gazed at her, perusing her features.

"You okay?" he asked gently.

She turned to face him. "I'm fine. Why d'you ask?" she said blinking at the solicitous man.

He stood there daringly, head tipped to the side, looking into her olive green eyes. A single hand resting on his hip, fingers tapping his badge. My lord. He was wearing her favorite outfit she loved seeing on him; taupe suit over a cerulean blue shirt to match his eyes.

"You seem upset - Is something wrong?" he asked knowing precisely that something wasn't right.

No. He didn't see it. She was certain of this. He only had eyes for the tall gorgeous Latino woman in his life. His brother's widow a.k.a. the meaning to his whole existence. She saw how he looked at her, enthralled by her exotic beauty. His heart belonged to her because his love was clearly sprawled around her.

He waited patiently until her emotions and feelings ravaged her neutral, professional exterior.

"Life isn't so good these days," Calleigh said reluctantly. She wasn't going to tell him she broke up with John. Horatio knew from the start he wasn't good for her. Hagen doesn't have the same values or the same ethics Calleigh has. Horatio, himself, didn't see eye to eye with the big brawny man. When H had first noticed the glances and the shy smiles, he knew something was going on. His sweet Calleigh was dating the self-absorbed Hagen. Not wanting to interfere in any way, he let them sort out their problems. He assumed they had problems. He would have left them alone but when it came between Calleigh and her work, it was between Horatio and Hagen. Lieutenant versus detective. At work, Calleigh was under Horatio's wing not Hagen's seductive spell.

"Hagen?" Horatio asked in a low tone, knowing very well in his mind that for the past couple of months when Calleigh wasn't as chirpy as usual, it was Hagen's fault. He looked at her tenderly as she sighed.

Her eyes fell shut "Among other things," she muttered.

She wanted him to know, to guess or somehow manage to find out without any need for explanations, but he didn't have any way of knowing. Horatio didn't speak to Hagen unless it was absolutely necessary. He could only figure out what had happened through her. He watched the trembling of her eyelids. She was forcefully battling to keep her eyes closed and biting her lower lip not to burst out sobbing. Her feeble attempt was not unseen by the man standing before her. A single lone tear formed at the rim of her eyelid and trailed down her cheek. He watched speechless. She let her head fall forward and the tear made its way down her face. She quickly inadvertently wiped it away. With infinite care, Horatio moved in closer and embraced her. Her forehead rested on his chest as she started to cry.

"Let it out, Calleigh. Let go - " he whispered. He wanted to soothe away the sadness and pain.

She didn't want him to think it was about Hagen because it had nothing to do with Hagen. Horatio had become the father figure she needed at first when they met. This passionate, caring, generous man became her boss, a person she admired, a friend and undeniably a man who stole her heart. Unrequited love. Hagen had simply been a distraction; a break from the torment, a painkiller but Horatio was irreplaceable. It was about losing true love. Horatio Caine. Calleigh has always been the one to take care of her own dad. Losing Horatio made her world crumble to pieces. She felt like he would no longer care for her. She was losing balance. It was difficult for her to manage the fear she felt within. The only way was through cries.

Calleigh buried her face in his shirt and held his jacket's lapel tight in her small hand. She inhaled his manly cologne. He slowly rested his chin on the top of her head. Without intent, he inhaled the scent that wafted from her hair. Vanilla. His hands rubbed her back as his arms surrounded her. She was so small, so precious. He wanted to protect her from the world. He tilted his head and rested his cheek on the top of her head. He heard her soft sobs and felt her tears through his shirt. He held her, tracing his fingers over her back, he placed a hand behind her head. His other arm stayed wrapped around her for the longest time, holding her to him, assuring her if she'd lose strength, he'd catch her. He was sensitive about women crying. It always broke his heart. He swore he'd never make a woman cry. He gently stroked the small of her back with the tip of his fingers. She was seduced. Tempted to do something as intimate. To him it was surely just a sign of affection.

Their relationship is closely knitted. A bond of trust that nothing can come between. Though to Calleigh, his caresses played a different melody on her senses and she believed it was love. She wanted so badly for it to be. She knew it was. Certainty could not be clearer in her mind. She eschewed looking in his eyes. He stirred her out of her thoughts saying: "I think you should take the day off - "

She felt his breath on her forehead and wished for a kiss. The hand resting on the back of her head, stroked her long blond locks pulling them back to reveal her face. He waited for a response, searching her face.

She looked up and smiled bashfully. "I'll be alright, Horatio. I've never taken a sick day and I'm not about to - " Her southern accent was darling. The way she said his name "Ho-RATIO". It repeated in his head, but he quickly processed the statement she had made and concern rippled through him.

He knew she wasn't going to let him win and get her to take a day off. She was right; she did have all her sick days and plenty of reasons to go home and rest or take her mind off of things but she always refused. Her work carried more meaning than anything else. She thought if she went home she'd mope around, not able to sleep, wanting to be at work. Wanting to be near him.

Horatio reached for a handkerchief in his inner coat pocket and dabbed at the mascara mixed with moisture underneath her eyes. "Thank you," she said in a short breath. She breathed in deeply "I must've been a real sight with those racoon eyes - " she said softly.

He shook his head saying huskily: "No," as if he was hushing her words. He thought silently: Calleigh: Beautiful, always.

She glanced down and wanted to return the unuttered compliment he'd given her with a single word.

He felt the effect he had on her and said in a low voice: "If you need anything - I'm here," he told her before casually walking away. He said it with a look she could only describe as enticing. Yet there was no sexual connotation in his statement but it thrilled her nonetheless. He looked back at her as he reached the door to exit the lab. She smiled, bating her eyelashes. He knew the cheerful Calleigh had returned. He pushed the door and walked out. She watched him walk down the corridor. He'd been there for her. The chivalrous Lieutenant Horatio Caine. 

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

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It had been an awfully long draining day and Horatio had but a single idea in mind: flee home. He glanced at his watch and read 8:07 pm.

He left his office and casually walked past the analysis lab. There, behind the glass window, stood Calleigh Duquesne. He stopped and watched her silently. It had only been a few hours since he approached her last, offering a cup of coffee, without a word. No matter how often he tried to stay away, he was always enthralled by her gleeful ways when around him. So, he decided he would check up on her.

Horatio slowly pushed the door and calmly ambled towards Calleigh. She was facing the printer, back turned to him seemingly absorbed in her work. She was stubborn, not unlike him but it annoyed him for her to be that way. She had refused to go home and rest earlier and now she was staying late?

Tilting his head, he caught her massaging her left temple then placing a hand on her neck as she rolled her neck stretching the tense muscles. She looked tired and the way her hand was resting on the side of the printer, Horatio knew she was holding on, desperately trying to stay focused. Her fatigue was slowly winning over her exuberant dedication to crime solving. As the results were expelled from the machine in front of her, her head lolled back and she sighed.

"Hey," Horatio said in a low husky voice standing beside her.

Calleigh was taken slightly by surprise but happily greeted her boss: "Hi! I didn't think anyone was still here - "

She faced him, giving him her full attention. Her smile was as bright as ever as her beautiful pearly whites glimmered between her thin pink lips.

Her smile faded slowly as she grabbed the paper and silently read the results. Usually, he would ask about the case but he smiled faintly instead and said: "Someone," he paused weighing his words "someone is making you work way too hard - "

Her smile returned and she shrugged saying: "I love my job."

"Mmhmm. I can see that, " he murmured "You should go home and get some rest, Calleigh - will you do that for me?" This time she wouldn't be able to brush off his concern; she had been in the lab since this morning against her boss' recommendations. This gave him a little more authority over his CSI, the second time around.

Nonchalantly she replied: "Yeah, I'm almost finished."

He had planned for a brief hesitation, maybe even a confrontation but was pleased she surrendered.

"Okay. Good. Let me wish you a good night, then."

"Thanks," her eyes locked with his, "you too."

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

Damn, she thought, not those pretty boy eyes. The expectation was distinguishable in his cobalt blues.

"Sure will."

And with that promise, Horatio left.

_000_

**One week earlier…**

"Cali?" a man's voice yelled out.

Detective Hagen took big long steps heading down the hall of the crime lab. He spotted Calleigh sitting in the fingerprint lab and briskly entered.

"Hey John." She smiled faintly.

"Calleigh, do you even know what time it is?"

"Let me stop you right there, John, I know I've been here for a while but I don't want to argue with you right now - "

"Sorry. I was just wondering where - "

She cut him off, "Don't worry about me."

She knew he wasn't wondering. He was worried, as always. John Hagen, trying to protect what he valued most: his girlfriend.

Then she pondered on why he was wondering where she was. "I've been here the whole time," she said a little irritated.

Not that he needed to know that. She liked the concern in his eyes but didn't appreciate a jealous man. Ever since their argument that was abruptly interrupted by Horatio Caine, clearing his throat, Hagen has been trying to figure out what H was so mad about. The explanation for the confrontation between the two men had gone undealt with. He tried to do a recap on his feelings as he waited for Calleigh. Was he powerless when he faced Caine's assertive mannerism? Did he feel threatened by Calleigh's relationship with Horatio? Did Horatio keep a grudge on him for having worked Narcs with his bro Ray who was killed on the job? Was it because he put in for a transfer a week before Raymond was killed? Was Horatio mad because he had no business aggravating miss Duquesne during her work hours, disturbing her while she processed H's case? John didn't worry about the fact that Horatio had clearly reduced his manliness to pieces in front of Calleigh but he felt disgusted with himself for insulting her father. He knew that still stung in the back of her mind and she couldn't believe his total disregard for her feelings over his case.

"Are you goin' home?" he finally asked her.

"Yes. Why?"

"I'll drive you - "

"No," she answered softly, "you know what, Hagen - " Ouch. It hurt him to hear her coldly use his last name to refer to him. After a pause to find the right words, she continued: "I'm gonna take some time alone if that's alright - "

"Yeah," he nodded "sure," he bit his lip, "okay."

"Good."

She turned away from him, rearranging her workplace before hanging up her lab coat and leaving for the locker room to head straight home after that.

"Cali?" John asked as he headed for the door, thinking it was best to just go.

"Yeah -" she responded without looking at him.

"Are we okay?" he asked baffled.

"Uh huh."

"Calleigh, look at me - " He stood in the doorway. She hung her lab coat and went towards him to exit the lab. Her eyes caught his as he grabbed hold of her.

"Huh, Gorgeous?" he wanted a straightforward answer.

"Everything's fine, John. Really. I need some time that's all. Just give me some space."

He kissed her forehead and gently tucked a strand of her hair that fell out of place behind her ear.

"Okay. I'm gone. Good night, then?"

She smiled and lightly kissed him before running off to the locker room. He turned and watched her enter before leaving himself.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

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Chapter 3

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**Continued from one week earlier…**

Calleigh arrived home and fell front-first onto her bed. She pulled on the elastic holding her very long one length blonde mane of hair and released her blond locks. Her creamy vanilla pale blonde hue was splashed across her white bed linen as she rolled over on her back and looked up at the ceiling. There was a full moon outside and the blue glow from outside entered her bedroom through the windows. She didn't feel at peace like she wanted. She thought once home she would feel better but she didn't. She felt stuck between two waves of identical speeds. She thought a flight into sleep would numb her consciousness. The best advice is found on the pillow, she recalled. Before she knew it, her eyes closed and she drifted into sleep.

The next morning, Calleigh had made her decision. She didn't want to be Hagen's easy-going girlfriend any longer. He had this big tall strapping man quality to him but not quite the sensitivity Calleigh wanted and needed. He had proven himself to be one of those guys that made her choose between him and her family. Those were the two waves crashing on her: her family and John Hagen. She was drowning. She knew the good things she saw in John weren't seen by many others specially her father. Could she blame him? Hagen's competitive arrogance to keep his arrest jacket on the right track made her skin crawl with disgust. She couldn't stand his way of taking care of things. It had to end.

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**Present time…**

Calleigh was exhausted. Climbing into bed, covering her entire body with her bed linen was reassuring. Curled up into a ball and tucked under the covers, she felt isolated from the world. She didn't even mind the heat, she just stayed curled up, hands clasped at her nape, head between her bent arms, hoping her brain would stop working. Even a week after her break-up with John, she still hadn't found peace. Wishing that the world would disappear around her, slumber took over.

She dreamed.

Calleigh turned in bed. She wrestled with the unpleasant dreams she had and with her satin, chenille comforter. She awoke suddenly, bolting upright in bed. Realizing that it was only 2:31 in the morning, she curled up in the foetal position and closed her eyes, hoping sleep would return.

_000_

That morning, Calleigh lay in bed, awake, thinking. Her face flushed as she remembered every instant of the good dream she had after her brief awake at two thirty from the unpleasant dream concerning John.

It was just a blur, a flash, a few seconds. She remembered how she felt, how he smelled, how her body quivered from head to toe. She remembered a hand going down her side, lips on her own. Her eyes were closed and his body was hot on her bare skin. She remembered his weight on her, his touches, his caresses, his kisses. Remembered the passion, the joy, the excitement, the shivers. She remembered his chest touching hers, his red hair, the sparkle in his blue eyes, the way he took her pronto, the way he held her after, the way he expressed his pleasure, the way he made her feel. He knew exactly what she wanted. Hands clasped, hearts pounding, mouth agape, rocking together faster and deeper and harder and he said her name in a raspy voice. She remembered it. Her dream. Why was it only a dream?

She was startled when her alarm clock went off and music played instantly. It was time to face reality. The lyrics of the song playing brought a smile on her face, nonetheless.

"Do you lie awake in the morning  
Trying to find a reason to call me?  
Cause honey all that I've been doing  
Is thinking about your smile  
None of this is necessary with me baby  
You see baby  
Cause I like to keep it all simple  
Cause you are my Satellite  
So I'm trying to keep you in sight, so you might wanna sit tight  
But with all this space  
Can we keep it alive  
Keep it alive  
So I'm asking you baby  
Are you coming down tonight?"

She rolled over to reach the off button on the radio clock. She already smelled the coffee brewing. That programmed machine turned out to be a great gift. Her brother was always so practical in gifts and every morning she appreciated it. She jumped into the shower with her toothbrush because somehow she saved time that way. Then, tied her hair back in a high ponytail, before deciding what she was going to wear. A floral tieback halter-top and black trousers were her choice of the day. She also picked out a pair of snip-toed mid- calf boots from her closet. Minutes later, she was sitting in front of the vanity mirror in her bedroom, she was finishing her makeup by daubing red lipstick.

She entered the kitchen and pulled on the fridge door. She peered inside and leaned forward in search of something still edible on the almost empty shelves. Between her job, her workout sessions and the very few days she had off, not to mention the ones she actually took, she barely found the time to shop and buy herself something nice, let alone, shop for food. Then again, she thought, if I had food, I'd need to cook. Time was something she didnèt have. Never did she think of herself as a housewife; she didn't enjoy cooking much and cleaning even less. Everything was time consuming and her job took all the room. A housewife? She barely thought about a family of her own. She was afraid it would turn out like the one she ran away from.

Oh great, she thought, just what I needed. Her mind insisted on the idea of wanting a family. It's true, she thought, I'm in my thirties, prime time to bear children but I need a man to make a baby. At that realization, she felt alone as ever. She took a step back, away from the fridge, and grabbing her handbag, placed an apple inside. She rummaged through her storage cupboard and a sought out a granola bar. Another snack she'd enjoy during the day. Pressured by time, she grabbed car keys before locking the door and leaving.

A few seconds later, she rushed back inside, picking up the coffee she'd forgotten from the kitchen counter mumbling 'I won't make it through the day without you'. She locked the door for a second time this morning, feeling ditzy that she sensed it as a déjà vu, and headed towards the parking garage.

Driving down the highway, she began reminiscing about her past. Over ten years ago, she was almost as lonely as she was now. She didn't have many friends because she had a passion for things that the people she knew didn't care much for. Above all, she loved to be alone and only once in a while she'd go out with friends. They didn't understand why they needed to drag her out of the house. Her girlfriends were always telling her how she could get any guy in any room but Calleigh didn't care much for boys. A few days now and then of 'socializing' were more than enough for her. She knew what was expected of a beautiful blond girl and made sure she didn't fit into the stereotypes. She didn't mind how people saw her. They thought she was shy, reserved, a pretty dumb blond. She knew one day, they'd figure out how wrong they were. She had wits and was daddy's Lamb Chop for a reason: to prevent the bottle of alcohol from making its way back into his grasp.

Besides, others, she felt, deprived her of her independence. She needed to have complete autonomy because she'd been forced to, in her childhood. Back then, her daily chores weren't cleaning her room and helping out her mom with supper; it was keeping her parents sober, her brothers fed, taking care of her family and keeping the house tidy. Maybe it was the reason why she hated doing all those things now. She couldn't count how many times she'd ran away with her brothers to find peace. Her responsibility towards them was overbearing. Maybe it was why she didn't want any children. Yet, she still thought about it and fantasized about her perfect match. A man who would be a mirror image of herself. His look would enable her to recognize herself through him. A person with whom she'd feel secure and gratified. A man that, coming into her life, would overturn everything and emancipate her strength, her beauty and her intelligence. He'd discover her secrets. The little flaws that she disliked and tried to keep from others. Those would be the things that would make him love her even more. He'd discover her vulnerability: her fear of abandonment. He'd understand her need for independence. He'd be confronted by it but she would be confronted by his flaws as well. The company would pulverize the obsession, the sense of perfection and the narcissism of zero weakness. She'd be challenged by him. She would need to open up and it would make him that much closer to her. She would trust him completely.

She'd learned once that it took five things to make an interpersonal attraction possible. Number one: proximity. She realized she had that criterion because she worked with him. Number two: a personal attraction to his physical appearance. There was no denying that. She craved to hear his voice, to see his eyes wishing they burned with the same desire hers did. Number three: similarities. They both had unfortunately come from tragic pasts. They both were sensitive, intuitive, and driven by a passion. Number four: complicity. She was more simple than him and she'd noticed he could read her. He was more complex, more sophisticated and she had a hard time reading him. Calleigh loved to be admired. To her eyes, he had an endearing shyness. Finally, number five: possess a positive image of the other. Calleigh had great admiration for him. He was the one. She was certain of it. There was no doubt in her mind. Horatio was her soul mate but the thought of unrequited love troubled her still.

_000_

Horatio was on his way to work as well. Stopping at a red light, he took a sip of his coffee. He glanced at the sky through his black sunglasses, the sun was high up, no clouds in sight. It was going to be a hot day in Miami. The radio told him that much. Rising up into the high nineties. The light turned green as he gulped down another sip of his coffee. The hot liquid burned his throat and added warmth to his already warm body but he desperately needed energy. It made him grateful for the air conditioning in the CSI-issued Hummer H2. Driving down his regular route, the radio caught his attention. A song he loved had begun to play. With delight, he listened to the words.

"Please forgive me  
Now I see that I've been blind.  
Give me love,  
Love is what I need to help me know my name. "

Suddenly it struck him. He had found the meaning to this song he'd listened to so many times.

As the song ended, he mulled about the love in his life. She shouldn't feel threatened by Yelina, he thought, because Calleigh will always have a special place in my heart, he thought silently. Yelina makes me nervous. I feel as though she's so much better than me. Calleigh is even more and it's the reason why I've never made an attempt to ask her out. I've imagined me doing so but it just doesn't seem right. Such an ordinary, mundane thing to do and Cali is everything but mundane. She makes every day an incredibly enjoyable one. She makes me feel so alive. I distinctly remember her saying something once about me being handsome and that made my heart skip a beat. Yeah, it was "Hello Handsome". I couldn't get those two words out of my head for weeks after that. Calleigh is an honest person; she probably meant it and it drove me nuts for her to say it in such an easy manner when everything I'd like to tell her always stays with me.

I had no idea she found me attractive. I feel out of her league but something happened in the lab yesterday that I can't explain. I don't have anything to offer her. She's young and I feel so old.

Good thing the job keeps me busy; keeps me from thinking about my life. the sorrow, the pain, the loneliness. Working gives me the motivation and appreciation I need to go on. Alone, I have no fear of being abandoned. I'm satisfied by living in the moment but now, the penny dropped and I want more. I'm no longer satisfied.

My job is the only thing I feel confident and secure about. When it comes to Calleigh, I get lost. I can't remember who I am. Nothing matters anymore. I feel like a victim, a DB and she is the only one who can identify me. She makes me who I am now. I need her to look at my scars and tell me what happened. What has brought me to this point? To the point where I can't tell her how I feel...

_000_

"Cal-leigh" Horatio murmured lowly in her ear.

Calleigh froze, remembering her dream. Shaking her thoughts, she took a step back from the microscope lenses and gave him her full attention: "yeah?" she asked almost dreamingly.

She hadn't realized she was staring at his lips. He, on the other hand, noticed her gaze and was taken aback by her welcome. It was wonderfully unusual.

"You okay?" he asked in a silky voice.

She blinked and came back to reality. Embarrassed by her lack of secrecy and the smug look on Horatio Caine's face, she blushed and looked away.

Horatio lifted brow and muttered: "Alright Calleigh, what's up?"

"Nothing," she answered simply shaking her head. She avoided his eyes, which intrigued him even more. Since when did Calleigh Duquesne avoid his eyes?

He didn't budge, standing still, waiting for the truth.

She complied and explained in a low voice: "It may have something to do with me dreaming of you - "

She resented herself for having said it but no one was immune to Horatio's charm. Calleigh was impossible to be dishonest with him, not only for her in fact but for everyone. He could be very persuasive when he needed to be.

Her answer stirred a lot of emotion within him. He had to downplay immensely and he was unsuccessful.

A coy smile tugged at the side of his lips.

His eyes were focusing on her face as he asked slightly under his breath:

"Good dream?"

She knew he was toying with her and two could play at this game. She closed her eyes, teasingly, and answered suavely: "Yeah."

Was that a gulp she heard? She opened her eyes and looked at him steadily.

He desperately tried to keep his poker face. Nervously, he licked his lips then broke the silence. "I'm flattered-"

"And I'm confused - " she continued briskly.

He had to stay clam and hide everything he felt for her. This wasn't the time or the place to share his feelings with her.

"Calleigh, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. We work together, see each other all the time - your subconscious is bound to keep a picture in memory - "

If he could have, he'd kick himself furiously. He was not only ignoring his feelings, but also making hers sound futile. What the hell am I doing? He questioned his motive.

"Some picture!" she said smiling with enthusiasm as she visualized her dream, gazing over his shoulder. She knew she'd need to pry reactions out of him because Horatio was always so professional, serious and intense at work.

Horatio chuckled. She couldn't even look him in the eye. Oh Calleigh, he thought, you're too good for me.

He's probably right, she thought on her end. It was silly of her to worry about it. Yet, she couldn't risk being drawn in by his steely blue eyes.

Not wanting to push any further, they were already bordering dangerous territory, Horatio asked for the lab results he'd come for in the first place.

"Here you go - " she handed him the sheet of paper.

"Thank you," he said before looking over the results.

Calleigh slightly jumped, startled by Horatio's cell phone ringing.

"Hang on a second - " he told Calleigh as he flipped his phone on and answered "Yeah."

After a brief silence, he said into the phone "I'll be there in ten - "

He snapped his phone shut and placed it in his breast pocket where it had been previously and glanced at the sheet Calleigh had just given him.

"Striations on the bullet match Mr. Spence's gun barrel - " Calleigh informed him sensing his mind was elsewhere.

"Mmm - We got 'im - Good work, Calleigh."

Her eyes looked up at him as she smiled gleefully. The appreciation went straight to her heart.

He exhaled, happy that she finally looked him in the eye. He almost let her get the best of him but he managed to repress the smile that would ravage his serious and worried exterior.

She knew something was up.

"Can you do me a favor and file the paperwork on the Spence's case?"

"Of course. You got another case?"

"Yes, duty calls - " he said as he brushed by her to exit the lab. Upon brief reflection, he turned back in her direction and asked: "Calleigh - "

She interrupted him: "I'll be there as soon as I can - " She smiled. She knew by the look in his eye that the case he'd been called up on was important. She wanted to be there, right alongside.

"Um. No. That's not what I was gonna ask - "

"Oh," she was intrigued. "What then?"

He walked back and stood before her and exhaled "I was wondering if you'd like to - if you're not busy, if you and I could talk."

"Sure, " she answered swiftly, "But I'm not going into details if this is about my dream - " she winked at him.

"That's only fair," he breezed by towards the door and exited.

She was left smiling to herself, standing alone in the lab.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

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Chapter 4

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Perhaps it was the same feeling she'd had when her father left home, the same feeling that drove her away. She desperately tried, through her distraught state of mind, to understand why Horatio had left her home suddenly, out of the blue.

Was he fleeing because he was scared, she wondered. By taking her own runaways into consideration, she understood that she needed to flee when she was afraid to face something difficult.

Horatio did the same. He pushed people away before they left him. It was a defense mechanism. He was afraid of his feelings. Afraid of what it meant if he'd share them.

He was gone and she was still staring at the steaming cup of tea resting on the side of her living room table.

She had offered to make him some tea at her condo. He had accepted, thinking it was best to go somewhere where they could talk privately.

She tried to get used to the idea of another night of being completely content in sitting home alone. She's had many evenings where she was perfectly happy sipping her decaffeinated tea. Unfortunately, tonight wasn't one of them.

She was usually good at reading men and it frustrated her to not be able to read the one man she wished to the most. The fine line between a deep friendship and love was thinning in her mind when she thought of Horatio. She wished he knew how she felt and more importantly wished she knew how he felt because it had become so very delicate. Like walking on eggshells.

On one hand, she had to play the game of being a close friend when in reality she was madly in love. She wanted to preserve the affinity. The mutual admiration and connection was precious to her and she didn't want her feelings to damage that. On the other hand, the game was getting hard to persue and she just couldn't bear not knowing how he felt. The friendship wasn't merely enough. She wanted to touch him, to kiss him but the space between them, small as it may, stayed. The way he paid much more attention to her than to the others made her wonder if he was just being polite. Or was it just her imagination? Still confused, the only sure thing she knew now was that she had ruined the relationship she had with that man. Horatio had left.

Calleigh was certain she'd be mirroring Horatio's feelings. She was completely wrong. He'd answered: "I don't want to lose my independence - "

Funny, he should think the same thing she did but she clearly was the only one willing to let go of it. She had nodded and he continued: "I'm not really looking for a girlfriend right now - "

Most likely sensing her tensing up, he added: "But I could change my mind."

Her eyes never left her lap, as she held her cup of tea in her hands. She smiled nervously. She'd read too much into this man. She hated the position she'd put herself in. He knew, at that moment, that she had feeling for him from her reaction. She was mad that he could read her with such ease. The question had been so vague but he knew exactly what she wanted to know. The silence that came after was heavy. Horatio shifted uncomfortably on the couch. He knew she was hurt and it crushed him to think that it was his fault. He wanted to disappear. Not unlike her, he presumed.

"I'm sorry Calleigh, I think it's best if I leave - "

Her answer had been barely audible. As the door came shut behind Horatio, she shut down also. Her heart broke.

Why couldn't she be satisfied with friendship? She had been surprised that he accepted the invitation without hesitation. Now, she knew why: he enjoyed being with her. It was that simple. No more, no less.

She curled up on the couch and set her head on the cushion Horatio had been leaning on. It was not only still warm from the heat emanating from his body, but it still smelled like Horatio. It smelled better than freshly washed clothes, better than the first cup of coffee in the day, better than anything she'd ever smelled. She'd grown used to smelling it and every time the scent reached her nostrils, her mind would go blank, she'd lose track of time, of space, of herself. All of her senses concentrated on that single thing.

_000_

"Horatio, please don't go - " the desire sickened her. She was drowning in cold dark water waiting and wanting, hoping and expecting that a hand would break the surface and pull her out of the obscurity

Calleigh opened her eyes. The first thing that hit her like a ricochet of a bullet was her pounding headache. The pain surrounding her temples returned as she freed herself from unconsciousness. She heard different noises and noticed a light flickering before her eyes. She peered at the television set in front of her. Frowning, she tried to drown out the noise. She brushed her forehead with the palm of her hand, soothing strands of her loose hair behind her ear. She'd fallen asleep on her couch again. It happened on the nights when she pretended to be happy, when in really, she was lying to herself. What was she going to do now? The answer came quickly: wait. She shifted on the couch, turning to face the back of her comfortable resting spot. She refused to go to bed, hoping and wishing he'd return.

_000_

He felt utterly comfortable in her home. It wasn't even surprising because Calleigh was his touchstone. His raison d'être. It was that feeling that brought him back to reality. When he was lost, Calleigh would find him. He found his way to her.

She greeted his sad eyes with a frown. "What are you doing here?" She was falling on her knees. Was there anything more painful than watching a grown man cry? It made her see him with even more admiration because only a strong person could show vulnerability. His heart on his sleeve, the redness surrounding his eyes and the tears streaming down his face were enough to make her wilt like a flower that lost her sunlight. It's a societal truth; women are allowed to be sentimental and are expected to be. On the contrary, men aren't and yet if their emotional cord is struck hard enough, they can falter in the most genuine way. Through their sorrow, the purest sadness echoes.

She was mesmerized watching him. Those adorable freckles, those piercing blue eyes, those desirable lips... her gaze focused on his features. It was incredible. She couldn't resist looking him in the eye. In her mind, she remembered the time when he'd noticed her watchful eye and stared her down. She gave in immediately and looked away. They both knew she had been staring and there was no need to bring it up. He loved her so much. Loved everything about her.

"We're right for each other." He looked her straight in the eyes and waited. Waited for her to realize the feelings she'd stirred within him. He was gazing so intently that she felt like he could see through her soul. Now, she was the one who was scared. She laughed inwardly at the ridiculous irony.

"You're meant for me," he ventured to prove that he meant it. She was burning. Burning with love. Nothing could stop her from pulling him into a long embrace, sealing their love with kisses. She'd never felt this happy.

Calleigh was finally entirely and irrefutably certain that Horatio had feelings for her. The same feelings she possessed in the depths of her heart.

THE END

"She will run  
She's gonna drink the sun  
Shinning just for you  
Instead of everyone..."  
-Natalie Imbruglia


End file.
